Thoughts and feeling after a week in the U.S.

It’s been a week since I first sat my foot on American soil now, and in some ways it’s been both the longest and shortest week of my life. I knew before setting out on this adventure that it would be hard at times, but I have really been struggling this week. I feel sorry for my mother, I know she’s been struggling with me leaving too and still she has to watch me cry on Skype almost every day. The worst part is that I don’t even know why I’m sad! Yes, it’s been tough week physically but I’ve been struggling even more mentally. But then the other day I got an email from a follower who said that at the beginning of a change this big, there is usually a sort of “grief period” and when I read that it just clicked. It has really felt like I’ve been grieving this week. No wonder I’ve been struggling with eating and been feeling so low! I’m not sure what I’m exactly grieving, but I’m hoping it’s about to pass now, and that I can be my usual happy self.

Yes, I am finally living my dream, but that doesn’t mean it will only be amazing and I’ll love every second of it. 

The reason I’m sharing these very private feelings with everyone is because usually adventure blogs are all about the great things that happens and how amazing everything is. There is normally not a lot about feeling low or struggling, and I can’t pretend to be fine when I’m not. Maybe this will help someone else too, who might be feeling the same way.

But in better news, I am feeling much better now. I’ve actually managed to eat without feeling nauseous for two days now, though not full portions yet because after a week of barely eating my stomach has shrunk a bit. But I’m eating and I’m feeling much better at least!

On Monday I spent almost all day in bed, only venturing out to get some food. It was just what I needed, but after a while it was time to get a cab and go into central Charlotte.
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After walking around in the sweltering heat for a while I had dinner (well, half a dinner) before heading to the Time Warner Cable Arena and the Taylor Swift concert.
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A lot of people were in costumes which was a lot of fun to watch. I think every single music video she has ever made were represented in terms of clothing… I think I saw at least 10 people in pajamas (see the You belong with me or We are never ever getting back together videos). Everyone was given wristbands when we got in, which then lit up during the concert in a multitude of colors depending on the song, or the beat. It was amazing to see. But first we got to see Vance Joy who sings the huge hit Riptide.
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After Vance Joy, Taylor finally came out and oh wow, it was just amazing. She won “Entertainer of the year” five years in a row at the country music awards and when you go see her in concert it’s so obvious why. She really goes the extra mile to make her concerts an amazing experience for everyone there. Before the show starts there were interviews with her, and fan videos and her own personal youtube videos which was fun, and during costume changes her closest friends had been interviewed and talked about her and her music and their friendships. Pretty great. She played almost all songs from the 1989 album and some of her older songs, but all remixed into something completely different. No more country for that girl… “We are never ever getting back together” even turned into a rock song!
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It was a truly great night, but I was pretty tired when it ended, luckily I got a taxi quickly and were back in my room in no time. When I woke up this morning I decided that I needed another rest day, so all I’ve done today is lie in bed, watch movies, eat snacks and Skype with my family. I’ve also ventured out to eat twice, I don’t think you can understand how amazing it feels to finally be able to eat and actually want to eat again.

Tomorrow I’ll get back on the bike, and head north towards Kentucky. I’ll try to do shorter days for a while now, no need to put so much pressure on myself anymore.

See you soon!

Comments

  1. Mamma says

    Bra gjort Cecilia som klarar av alla tuffa utmaningar och tar dig vidare! Bara du är snäll mot dig själv i fortsättningen så kommer du att fixa detta. Jag tror på dig och är stolt över dig! Många kramar från Mamma

  2. Ingegerd Alvbring says

    I’m glad to hear you can eat again. Enjoy beautiful Kentucky – bluegrass and horses. Remember to take your time, don’t press yourself too hard. You have a great time ahead of you and a great bunch of people behind you wishing you all the best!

  3. Theresa says

    You are doing really well. Enjoy the journey however hard it feels at times.

    Keep eating – you need the energy! Good luck!

  4. Göran Rydh says

    Härlig läsning!! Efter regn kommer alltid sol!! Tack för din delning!! Lycka till med resan. Var rädd om dig och cykla försiktigt!! “Att inte cykla är att gå för långt!!”

  5. Sofie Nylén says

    Hej Cissi! Det är så roligt att kunna följa din resa, och jag älskar att du skriver så ärligt! Förstår att det måste vara otoligt tufft, men du är verkligen stark! Skönt att du kan äta igen och ta det lite lugnare, låter himla klokt att ta en extra vilodag! Ta hand om dig och ät allt som är gott:) Kram från (en lite avundsjuk) Sofie

  6. Christina Hoehn says

    Den stund Du tror att allt är slut och stum i mörkret sitter.. Den stunden ska Du härda ut, fast den är hård och bitter. Efteråt ska du förstå att just i soluppgången är natten särskilt kall – och DÅ begynner fågelsången!

  7. Lilianne Boij says

    Tack Cecilia för att du delar också de grå dagarna med oss som följer dig. En dag när du tagit dig mkt längre tror jag att du kommer att läsa dessa rader med ett leende. No hurra njut av livet
    Lilianne Boij

  8. Mike says

    Thoughts with you C, remember it’s when we are on the brink that gain strength and courage to change and adapt. You doing great reach deep within you will grow stronger each day.

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